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dementors and utter randomness
Aug. 6th, 2005 01:49 amlife is like a dementor.
i'm losing my grip on all of my happy memories, turning me into this sad pathetic shell.
i remember one or two memories of the childish joy i rarely felt.
i miss taking naps on lush green grass in Likas Park, cap pulled over eyes to shield from the sun, ponytail tucked into baggy green t-shirt, absently wondering if any ants would crawl into my clothes, distancing myself away from the others who could afford the archery equipment and were busy practicing, removing my swirling thoughts about my parents and their blatant disapproval of my fascination with sports and my will to enter the SUKMA games. pity my will was broken.
but that was a lovely memory. hearing the birds chirp, the breeze fluttering the leaves. further away, i could hear the sounds of arrows thudding against the targetboards. i could marcella's voice with the other under 12s. i miss giving her piggyback rides even though i was sorely out of shape.
my cousin is almost 7 months along now. i shall enjoy spoilling her kid. i'd never wish a bad childhood on anyone really. i might make an exception for one or two people, but still.....knowing my headstrong cousin and her husband, a little spoilling wont hurt the kid.
sometimes, i think i'm blind. i make way by texture, feel, smell and sound half the time. i suppose i'm preparing myself for old age, when my astigmatistic vision has waned and my bad hearing gone worse. i like touching things. it's fascinating. i suppose thats also why i don't touch people. it's rude for me to be so touchy and i've had one too many clammy hands that its put me off. i suppose that's why my face is so pimple scarred. i like touching my face out of habit and my hands weren't always clean.
i want another happy memory. i dont have enough and not enough time.
it's times like these that makes me wonder if i'm in the right place and the right time.
i'm losing my grip on all of my happy memories, turning me into this sad pathetic shell.
i remember one or two memories of the childish joy i rarely felt.
i miss taking naps on lush green grass in Likas Park, cap pulled over eyes to shield from the sun, ponytail tucked into baggy green t-shirt, absently wondering if any ants would crawl into my clothes, distancing myself away from the others who could afford the archery equipment and were busy practicing, removing my swirling thoughts about my parents and their blatant disapproval of my fascination with sports and my will to enter the SUKMA games. pity my will was broken.
but that was a lovely memory. hearing the birds chirp, the breeze fluttering the leaves. further away, i could hear the sounds of arrows thudding against the targetboards. i could marcella's voice with the other under 12s. i miss giving her piggyback rides even though i was sorely out of shape.
my cousin is almost 7 months along now. i shall enjoy spoilling her kid. i'd never wish a bad childhood on anyone really. i might make an exception for one or two people, but still.....knowing my headstrong cousin and her husband, a little spoilling wont hurt the kid.
sometimes, i think i'm blind. i make way by texture, feel, smell and sound half the time. i suppose i'm preparing myself for old age, when my astigmatistic vision has waned and my bad hearing gone worse. i like touching things. it's fascinating. i suppose thats also why i don't touch people. it's rude for me to be so touchy and i've had one too many clammy hands that its put me off. i suppose that's why my face is so pimple scarred. i like touching my face out of habit and my hands weren't always clean.
i want another happy memory. i dont have enough and not enough time.
it's times like these that makes me wonder if i'm in the right place and the right time.
