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13thfallenangelnew year's resolution r a bunch of bull to me, really. I sometimes wonder if I had a past life...I seem to react quite....passionately towards some things that shouldn't really affect me, given my boring neglected childhood......makes me wonder a lot.....if I was born as a male, I would have been in the Army or the Police Force by now.....actually, I wanted to be a police officer...until I found out being half-blind n 2 cm shorter than the required height isn't going to cut it....joy.....there goes one way for me to earn some money...the pay isn't too bad, even as a trainee.....*sighs*....if I knew a thing or two about investments, I would have started investing...I need to be financially independent of my parents....I don't hate them anymore, really...they just absolutely drive me bananas, so u could say I loathe them n they irritate me to no extent.....
I am currently living a very boring n normal life......heavens help the sarcastic n caustic voices in my head.....for once, I'd like to have some credit n accomplishment to my name....but I suppose I'll never get any real support like those athletes u see interviewed....all my parents have ever wanted me to do is study....as u'll notice, this is still a very sore point with me up til today...I don't think I'll really forgive them...
I wonder if I've been abused in my past life before....sometimes, when I read about child abuse, I can hear screams n pleas in the back of my head, begging not to be hit again n again....either that or I have a very vivid imagination because I know that my parents have never laid a blow on me, except that one time my mother riled me up so bad I insulted her n she slapped me....can't believe I cried over that...most likely from the shock of being hit....or the few head flicks....there WAS that one time my dad threatened me with the rattan featherduster....u DO NOT want to be hit with this one since it's 2 n a half feet long....I remember hiding behind the rattan armchair my mother was sitting on while my dad roared at me.....I was so small back then, I actually managed to squeeze most of myself underneath the armchair, sobbing my heart out.....my dad never really did have a lot of patience, even when it came to asking him for help in my homework until I learned never to ask help from him again unless nescessary....or I would just word it as a general question of curiousity.....saves me from being shouted at n bursting into tears....oh yes, I'm actually a crybaby even though I act tough....it's an act ppl! I consider myself a pretty good actress n liar....I don't lie as much, only when necessary.....
I did inherit my dad's temper(the Lim temper, no duh!) but I also learnt patience.....having a 56k dial up would do that really......n I'm glad to say I'd never shout n scold someone if they can't understand their homework or assignment......maybe that's y I did so badly in Maths in primary school....I had a hard time understanding fractions n my dad was no help, if my crying was anything to go by.....neither was my mother....makes me wonder if she was lying about her getting second place in her class back in high school....maybe she was in the last class(weakest) n omitted that detail....bloody snake....
I am in some serious need of some company.....I haven't properly spoken to anyone in several days n while growing up as an only child n subsequently ignored by my parents n teenaged cousins n their mother who babysat me taught me to survive in loneliness.....well.....it gets a little hard after a while....I hate being cooped up n the worse part is, most of the shops here r closed n I don't know the area like I did back home so I can't really wander around that much without getting lost or potentially getting into trouble.........
I am also currently sexually frustrated...congratulations, I'm still a bloody virgin with nothing but the Internet n my left hand.....I WOULD like to lose my virginity to some sweet first love but seeing as how socially awkward I am, especially around guys...well....the prospects are not the brightest really.....n b4 anybody goes off on the whole celibacy thing, I don't really give a damn....I most certainly don't want to get knocked up(heavens help any child I raise) but I am a hedonist.....wish I knew the right way to get to things....this misfortune of mine can be applied to life.....I have to learn most things by myself with little help....or at least advice that does not come from a very bossy n domineering tone that makes me want to sneer...such advice is rather rare for me......I'm such a useless idiot.....n I hate being useless since that's what father dear always calls me.....bitch I can handle..useless?....hah!...I just feel like crying or at least my body will freeze up.......
Perth sucks by the way, although I haven't gone to any clubs yet....damn classmates r prudes mostly.....gah!!!!!! I still haven't gotten over the fact that the mall closes at 5pm!!! 5pm!!! it's ATROCIOUS!!!! SACRILEGIOUS!!!! I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.....by the way, did I mention that my life is just simply BLAND n for once I'd like to know what THE HELL AM I DOING!?!?!?!?
I am currently living a very boring n normal life......heavens help the sarcastic n caustic voices in my head.....for once, I'd like to have some credit n accomplishment to my name....but I suppose I'll never get any real support like those athletes u see interviewed....all my parents have ever wanted me to do is study....as u'll notice, this is still a very sore point with me up til today...I don't think I'll really forgive them...
I wonder if I've been abused in my past life before....sometimes, when I read about child abuse, I can hear screams n pleas in the back of my head, begging not to be hit again n again....either that or I have a very vivid imagination because I know that my parents have never laid a blow on me, except that one time my mother riled me up so bad I insulted her n she slapped me....can't believe I cried over that...most likely from the shock of being hit....or the few head flicks....there WAS that one time my dad threatened me with the rattan featherduster....u DO NOT want to be hit with this one since it's 2 n a half feet long....I remember hiding behind the rattan armchair my mother was sitting on while my dad roared at me.....I was so small back then, I actually managed to squeeze most of myself underneath the armchair, sobbing my heart out.....my dad never really did have a lot of patience, even when it came to asking him for help in my homework until I learned never to ask help from him again unless nescessary....or I would just word it as a general question of curiousity.....saves me from being shouted at n bursting into tears....oh yes, I'm actually a crybaby even though I act tough....it's an act ppl! I consider myself a pretty good actress n liar....I don't lie as much, only when necessary.....
I did inherit my dad's temper(the Lim temper, no duh!) but I also learnt patience.....having a 56k dial up would do that really......n I'm glad to say I'd never shout n scold someone if they can't understand their homework or assignment......maybe that's y I did so badly in Maths in primary school....I had a hard time understanding fractions n my dad was no help, if my crying was anything to go by.....neither was my mother....makes me wonder if she was lying about her getting second place in her class back in high school....maybe she was in the last class(weakest) n omitted that detail....bloody snake....
I am in some serious need of some company.....I haven't properly spoken to anyone in several days n while growing up as an only child n subsequently ignored by my parents n teenaged cousins n their mother who babysat me taught me to survive in loneliness.....well.....it gets a little hard after a while....I hate being cooped up n the worse part is, most of the shops here r closed n I don't know the area like I did back home so I can't really wander around that much without getting lost or potentially getting into trouble.........
I am also currently sexually frustrated...congratulations, I'm still a bloody virgin with nothing but the Internet n my left hand.....I WOULD like to lose my virginity to some sweet first love but seeing as how socially awkward I am, especially around guys...well....the prospects are not the brightest really.....n b4 anybody goes off on the whole celibacy thing, I don't really give a damn....I most certainly don't want to get knocked up(heavens help any child I raise) but I am a hedonist.....wish I knew the right way to get to things....this misfortune of mine can be applied to life.....I have to learn most things by myself with little help....or at least advice that does not come from a very bossy n domineering tone that makes me want to sneer...such advice is rather rare for me......I'm such a useless idiot.....n I hate being useless since that's what father dear always calls me.....bitch I can handle..useless?....hah!...I just feel like crying or at least my body will freeze up.......
Perth sucks by the way, although I haven't gone to any clubs yet....damn classmates r prudes mostly.....gah!!!!!! I still haven't gotten over the fact that the mall closes at 5pm!!! 5pm!!! it's ATROCIOUS!!!! SACRILEGIOUS!!!! I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.....by the way, did I mention that my life is just simply BLAND n for once I'd like to know what THE HELL AM I DOING!?!?!?!?
