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13thfallenangelall i would like to do right now is to sit outside on my porch, cigarette, lighter, ashtray and a breezer on the little table next to me. enjoying the sounds of nightlife, seeing out into the darkness, hearing the distant sounds of civilization. just sit there, for hours on end, sipping slowly at my breezer.
UNFORTUFUCKINGNATELY!!!!! i'm in a small double storey house in PERTH with no porch, no rounded rattan plastic chair, no NIGHTLIFE SOUNDS!!! and half the year it's too fucking cold to the point of suicidal to even think of stepping outside without a ridiculously thick jacket.
times like these, i wish i was back home in malaysia. it's a pity i'd get kicked out of the house for smoking. or at least my 'parents' would wonder what the HELL is wrong with me for taking a breather outside.
fuck this. i think i'm starting to get addicted to ciggys. at least i can't get drunk. or at least, my parents wont bitch the shit out of me whenever i enjoy half a glass of wine. been doing that since i was 10 years old.
i am absolutely loving my new eyeliner by the way. i look damn good although it takes a wee bit of smudging.
i just had a sudden realisation on why i dont really reprimand whenever certain insults reyhan used actually made impact. i mean, i can take insults, treat them as funny stuff but situation warrants different reactions. the reason why i put up with this is because of the times reyhan ruffled my hair. it felt GOOD whenever she does that, and i immediately forget all the bad things.
yeah, yeah. it's sad to see how touched deprived i am. how much of a people pleaser i am, particularly to those that i think are worth it.
i don't know how to act around people sometimes....more like still dont......people will tell me to act like myself. problem is, i can't remember which one IS myself anymore. i've put up a mask for so long, i cant remember which is which and for what. which one is real and which one was created to help me cope or to fend off.
i really wish i had a manual or something. whenever someone says 'where's the fun in having a manual to life?', i feel like whipping out a knife and gutting them. slowly. where's the fun in getting humiliated and knocked down?
UNFORTUFUCKINGNATELY!!!!! i'm in a small double storey house in PERTH with no porch, no rounded rattan plastic chair, no NIGHTLIFE SOUNDS!!! and half the year it's too fucking cold to the point of suicidal to even think of stepping outside without a ridiculously thick jacket.
times like these, i wish i was back home in malaysia. it's a pity i'd get kicked out of the house for smoking. or at least my 'parents' would wonder what the HELL is wrong with me for taking a breather outside.
fuck this. i think i'm starting to get addicted to ciggys. at least i can't get drunk. or at least, my parents wont bitch the shit out of me whenever i enjoy half a glass of wine. been doing that since i was 10 years old.
i am absolutely loving my new eyeliner by the way. i look damn good although it takes a wee bit of smudging.
i just had a sudden realisation on why i dont really reprimand whenever certain insults reyhan used actually made impact. i mean, i can take insults, treat them as funny stuff but situation warrants different reactions. the reason why i put up with this is because of the times reyhan ruffled my hair. it felt GOOD whenever she does that, and i immediately forget all the bad things.
yeah, yeah. it's sad to see how touched deprived i am. how much of a people pleaser i am, particularly to those that i think are worth it.
i don't know how to act around people sometimes....more like still dont......people will tell me to act like myself. problem is, i can't remember which one IS myself anymore. i've put up a mask for so long, i cant remember which is which and for what. which one is real and which one was created to help me cope or to fend off.
i really wish i had a manual or something. whenever someone says 'where's the fun in having a manual to life?', i feel like whipping out a knife and gutting them. slowly. where's the fun in getting humiliated and knocked down?
