heeeeee

August 31st

Ladies and gentlemen.

Well.

It's about to reach the 31st of August in about an hour's time. It's been half a year, 6 months, of ups and downs and insanity. I am still lost in the Path of Life, my soul is numb, my friend(s) are having...well...to put it politely, political problems, I'm hoping I won't get dragged into the mess whilst still doing my best to be supportive, my schoolwork is suffering, I have no motivation left, I gained a new friend this year, I'm now an amateur cosplayer, I widened my social circle to include more friends and acquaintances, I met horses and pretty much put my fear of riding them to rest (I still have a healthy amount of caution though!), I confirmed my love of cats and I've furthered my body language ability and how to use it.


R mentioned about 'spreading the horror' and how she prefers to live happily in her little bubble. I suppose I was like that once upon a time but I've always been aware of my surroundings one way or another. It is really hard to ignore the negatives going on around me. Especially when they affect me so badly. I feel so jaded. I've been feeling like that since I was in my teens. Old, tired, exhausted, confused, fed up. How many more adjectives have I not used yet?

A new facet in my life would be me picking up more articles of clothing that construes to the 'goth stereotype'. I am not a 'goth' and I'd much rather not be labeled so. But my sense of fashion has been eccentric at best and only for the sake of getting by in the crowd without harrasment have I donned 'normal' clothes since I usually travel solo. I like to think that I can handle harrasment but I'd much rather avoid it in the first place. But I digress, I am wearing more skirts now, wearing more make up, and definitely expanding my closet more. And I think I've just lost my point of argument. Bugger. I just love clothes. I just hate 'stereotypes' messing with me.



So, if I had some alcohol right now, I'd make a toast. A toast to 20 years and 6 months of living. At times, I still wonder why I didn't just drag that bloody knife across my wrist and get on with the dying bit and spare myself from all this drama and soullessness but I suppose that's how Life is supposed to pan out. 

Gotta have the shit with the pretty prize winning roses in yer backyard.

Just wish I can keep remembering that.




I think I'm going to dig out my very stale menthol cigarettes and light one up now.